Tuesday, September 8, 2009

We always want things to stay the same but they don't. They can't.

We had to put our 11 & 1/2 year old Bernese Mountain Dog, Annina, to sleep today. She was an amazing dog. We loved her. She had two beautiful litters of puppies. She was stubborn and strong-willed, but that made her the confindent girl she was. She was faithful and loving. Gentle and Kind. We miss you and love you Good Girl.

All this has me thinking.

One of the hardest truths I'm struggling with is not death right now. It is the changing of life. Death is tough, -maybe the toughest thing about life. But it is something we think about often, at least I do. I'm having a hard time with the changing eras of life. Something I don't spend too much time thinking about. Annina dying today kind of signified the end of an era for Molly and I.

We were young and married. We were full of ambition and optimistic dreams. We lived in a little house down by a stream. And we had Pepper and Annina. We didn't have human kids, we had puppy kids. They were what we poured our love and lives into. I played outside with them daily. Long walks through the fields and wading down the stream. I made a special porch bench for them so they could see out the front windows. They slept on our bed with us and we didn't care a bit.

We put Pepper down about a year ago. It was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. Now, a year later, Annina has joined her. They are remembered by stone-marks graves down by the lake and right now I hurt very badly. But with their passing so also goes the era. We have three beautiful girls now. We have busy young-family lives now. Our kids weren't there in that era. They don't know the history and memories we have from those days. It isn't less of a life, in fact in most ways its much better. But it's different. And Annina leaving us today was the final tether to that former era.

Life is just like that I guess. We always want things to stay the same but they don't. They can't. And that is really really tough to realize. I know from a bigger more logical view it all works to make God's plan develop. But that doesn't keep you from being sad, -very sad for the passing of the era. -Not just the passing of a friend.

The thing I'm taking from this as I go forward is to realize I cannot stop this progression, but rather, thoroughly enjoy the era I'm in right now. One day I will be mourning this era and it's passing. I love my wonderful beautiful wife. I love the girls I'm so richly blessed with. I have, currently, an amazing life. I am amidst the very moments I will look back on with fondness some day.
Thank you Lord. Help me move past this sadness.

[the images are graphite drawings i did a few years back. Annina is the top one, Pepper the bottom]


  1. I find it comforting to know that God created us with the ability to feel sadness. I find it comforting to know that God knows and feels the same range of emotion that we do.

    I'm glad He saw fit to give you a year in between. Slow transitions from chapter to chapter are nice. It's those end of the book ones that tend to really screw with ya. :)

  2. Kirk I know exactly how you feel and feel your pain it is so true, they are just like your kids, I have been in this same situation a couple of time myself and it doesnt get any easier, just know they are running free and with the good Lord now, he needs animals too. Take care and hang in there. Lori Horton

  3. Hi Kirk, I love your blog about Annina. We lost our Golden of 9 years this past March and the pain is still evident as the tears flow so freely while reading of your loss. I am just so thankful for our time with him and the blessing he bestowed on our family. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. Carole D.

  4. Thank you guys. It means a lot to have others share in your experiences. And you share in this because you have lived through the same pain yourselves. so thanks.

  5. Hard stuff. I'm sorry you guys are hurting right now. I was literally just talking to my mom yesterday about the ending of certain eras and they often hard and emotional. I haven't lost a dear friend in the era we're leaving behind now, so there isn't quite the same kind of sadness that has come with yours, but as we send our first born off to kindergarden, I'm realizing an era is passing us as well. In some ways it's exciting and in others, it's a little sad at how fast our little ones grow and have to face the things of the world.

    Thank you for sharing your heart.

  6. Hard stuff. I'm so sorry you guys are hurting right now. I was just talking to my mom yesterday about the ending of eras and how they are often hard and emotional transitions to make. I haven't lost a dear friend in the era we're passing right now, so it doesn't bring quite the same sadness that yours does for you. But as we send our first born off to kindergarden, I realize we're leaving behind an era of our lives as well. It doesn't bring quite the same kind of sting, but it's sad how fast they grow and have to face the things of the world. He's no longer just our little boy that we basically get to have all to ourselves each day. There's so much he must experience and face in order to become the man God has in store for him to be. Anyway, eras are hard to leave behind even when the new ones are even more exciting. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  7. I'm sorry, Kirk. This was so well written and I can understand as we had to put a dog down, too, and she was an end of an era for me (a pre-Troy era, even!). What nice memories you have of your two "first" dogs before kids!

  8. Amazing...you are...you have me in tears. I am so thankful you are part of our family. You have drawn such beautiful picture of each of them that shows their personalities...what a gift! The unconditional love animals provide to us is like no other and the loss of a pet is so difficult. But I also look forward to getting to heaven and being welcomed by all my beloved friends!